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Friday Five. But it's actually 4AM Saturday already.

1. What was your most memorable moment from the last week?
Watching the tenth anniversary of Noel Cabangon in 70's Bistro. A lot of interesting things happened. Like talking with Gary again and listening to Noel again. And being able to write poems again. Getting a bit drunk. Seeing other people really drunk. And now, I guess. Lying down on the Ateneo football field with a friend.

2. What one person touched your life this week?
my wicked sister. i guess she has helped me see how beautiful a person i am. and i think i have done the same for her.

3. How have you helped someone this week?
my wicked sister. please refer to above.

4. What one thing do you need to get done by this time next week?
get sleep.

5. What one thing will you do over the next seven days to make your world a better place?
don't know if going to the yearend seminar will make the world a better place, but i think we will help our volunteers make the effort to become better people.

note: gutom ako.

TENTH ANNIVERSARY ni Noel Cabangon kahapon sa 70's Bistro. Wow. Siyempre nagpunta ako. Matagal na rin akong hindi nakakadalaw duon. Pero masaya pa rin. Pakiramdam ko parang umuwi. Nakakatuwa pa rin si Gary G. Buti at naalala pa niya ako at mukhang masaya naman siyang nakabalik ako.

AT DAHIL matagal na rin akong hindi nakakabalik, kagabi dumaloy ang inspirasyon para sumulat. Hindi talaga ito mga wow, pare! ang galing na tula. Pero masaya pa rin. Kasi nakasulat ako muli.

BISTRO. MGA TULA PARA SA IYO.

1. BISTRO

tahanan ka
ng mga dakilang
nakikibaka
nakikiramdam
sa naghihingalong
pilipinas.

kanlungan ka
ng mga mang-aawit
na sumusubok
buhayin ang pag-asa
sa pusong
pagod na.

daungan ka
ng mga kaluluwang
naghahanap
ng pagkakataon
na lumaya
kahit panandalian lang.

samu’t-sari
iba’t-ibang mga nilalang.
ngunit
nagiging isa
sa mga bisig mo.

1:52 AM
3-27-03

2. TISSUE

tissue

strewn all over the floor.
blown by ceiling fan’s
tender (almost nothing) gust.

dry.
tainted with bleeding ink
and smeared lipstick.
(and someone’s broken heart)

damp.
wrapped around a glass
(and maybe on trembling fingers)
full of spiked tea.

wet.
wiped against the beer bottle’s
flowing tears.
(and possibly that man’s too.)

soaked.
spilled with cold cerveza
warmed by lingering thoughts.
(and sometimes broken dreams)

later,
when the lights are out
the gentle movements
of the sleepy waiter’s broom
shall gather
you
all
in
one
big
heap.

2:01 AM
3-27-03

3. TIGANG

piga na ang katas
ng kaluluwa.

ngunit ang iyong tinig
ang nagdidilig
sa kanyang katigangan.

uhaw. gutom.
ngunit higit sa lahat
lito
sa kalawakan ng
buhay.

di na kayang
liparin
languyin

kulang na ang lakas.

ngunit pag
nalubog na sa awit mo
ang kamalayan,
ito na ang lakas ko.

bukas…
baka kaya pa ang bukas.
basta umawit ka pa
ng isa pa.
awit pa…

3-27-03
1:30 am

4. AMBROSIA

i have always heard that ambrosia
was food for the gods.

i have not tasted nor seen
ambrosia.

neither am i a god.

what shall i be fed?
i.
who is but a frail, hungry, thirsting human.
what shall i be fed?

ah.
sing to me your soul.
that mine may know how it is to live again.
nourish my soul with your song.

i know
not even ambrosia
can satiate me
nor quench me
as much as your odes.

1:40 AM
3-27-03

Who's Your Type?

Your type is the Artiste

Creative. Sensitive. A bit offbeat. Your type is the Artiste, a unique guywho knows how to express himself in many ways, whether it's through words,music, or attire. You're attracted to his unconventional ways and hisremarkable talents. He doesn't feel compelled to abide by society's norms.He believes that individuality is the key to happiness, and everything hedoes is a reflection of his "inner self." You fall head-over-heels for suchconfidence and style. Whether he's playing a song he wrote for just you orwriting you a love letter, this guy knows how to make you feel special. He'sin touch with his feminine side and doesn't need to assert his masculinityto feel manly. If we were to paint a picture of your future, the Artistewould definitely be part of it!

Hmm... there's more than a tinge of truth to this. Hehehe!

What Type Are You? (from emode.com)

You are a Hippie Chick

The '60s are over, but their legacy of peace and love lives on in you, a genuine, granola-loving Hippie Chick. A fan of flowing skirts, Birkenstocks, and all-natural organic foods, you probably wear your hair long and loose so you can always go with the flow. The rhythm of your life is definitely laid-back and groovy. Genuine and unpretentious, you're a free spirit with a big heart. A Dharma looking for her Greg, after winning your guy's heart, you'll take him on a pilgrimage to Woodstock and make him wear flowers in his hair. And he'll love every minute of it. All in all, you've got just the right mix of idealism and social conscience to keep any guy trippin' over you, right into your arms.

Well, I'd love to be a hippie if truth be told.

Something to keep my mind out of the war for a while.

1. Do you like talking on the phone? Why or why not?
Depends on who I am talking to. There was a time that I lasted four-five hours on the phone. But in general, when it is not about business, I like it.

2. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
Some guy who called for a fax tone. But someone I know personally, KD (our volunteer in Borongan).

3. About how many telephones do you have at home?
Two landlines. The other one is the extension of the other. We had our other line cut. Four working cell phones, including our helper's. Some analog and digital ones that are unused.

4. Have you encountered anyone who has really bad phone manners? What happened?
Oh yeah. First year college. An obscene prank caller. Deadma. Just put the phone down.

5. Would you rather pick up the phone and call someone or write them an e-mail or a letter? Why or why not?
Hmmm... I used to love phone calls but then... it's less emotionally draining to write an e-mail. But phone calls are less emotionally draining that letters. People are lucky to receive handwritten letters from me nowadays.

Somehow, Saddam reminds me of Theoden-king of "Two Towers." You can just be amazed at his defiance and determination, bordering on stupidity, to face a losing war. I am amazed at this man... his strength of will, his unwavering stance. On a good man, it would definitely do great wonders for the world. On a man like Saddam, it is scary.

Good thing, there isn't any Gandalf or Aragorn or Gimli or Legolas of sorts to help him out... Saddam, not Theoden. I may not approve of this war, but neither do I approve of Saddam either. At the back of my mind (which makes it already in front already since I am saying it out loud), since this war is going on already, and even other national leaders are as helpless about it as I am... might as well that Saddam be caught or... well, I don't know if I want him killed. But for many people, that will be convenient.
*****

Why is UN so helpless against the US? Somebody please answer me. I need to be enlightened on this thing.

The deadline is over. 9 AM Philippine time. Even after Bush gave the ultimatum, everybody knew, I think, that Saddam would rather die in his country than go into exile. Iraqis now brace for war. But sadly, civilians are also carrying guns. Women and children are ready to fight. American and British soldiers are fully equipped with the missiles, tanks, ammos... Air attacks will be using GPS-guided missiles.

Frontliners are getting ready. BBC was showing footages of these men lining up to make a phone call to their loved ones before they fight. It wasn't exactly a happy sight. There were no blood. No tears. Eyes trying to hide fear.

And watching all this, what else can we do but pray. Helpless.

* * * * *

How come the UN is not giving US any sanctions for starting this war? For having the weapons they have? I do not get to follow the news all the time. But then you wonder why is the UN not doing anything to the US for all their actions. Are they really that powerful that even a league of nations can't do anything about it but watch?

Bush gave Saddam 48 hours to go in exile.
Blair is currently defending his position to the parliament.
Robin Cook resigned from the cabinet of Britain as a sign of protest. (Way to go!)
Saddam refused Bush's ultimatum.

While all these famous people banter on TV, millions of people all over the world fret for their lives.
Shit.
Always the innocent people. Collateral damage. Casualties of war. Dang.

Makes you wonder what kind of childhood these people had.
He just refuses to listen.
And Saddam, too.

Hay. Can't think of anything intelligent to say.

Went home to Mindoro.
Brought some JVP friends along with me.
Somehow, it didn't feel like I really got what I wanted from the vacation.
But at least the people who went with me enjoyed.

This morning, I heard from the news that the Abu Sayaff are claiming responsibility for the bombings in Davao. AND they are also planning to bomb other key cities in the country including Manila and Cebu to cripple the economy and the Gloria administration. They are also pushing that the country should follow the laws of the Koran.

If this is true, can I just retort my piece (because I am very irritated with the whole thing).
1. If it is the administration that you are planning to cripple, go ahead and plant a bomb in Malacanang if you can. But do not place your bombs in places where many innocent people will die.
2. Crippling the economy is not just crippling the government as an entity. Yes, you would have succeeded in that. But have you not thought of other people who grow hungrier by the minute because they do not know where they would get their next meal. And that would include your other Muslim brothers who just want peace as much as the next Christian. While your target GMA will still be eating her three square meals a day, you know.
3. How can you paint an evil picture of your Muslim brothers with your actions? As I said there are a good number of Muslims who just seek to have peaceful co-existence with other religions.

Why can't Christians, Muslims, Buddhists... whatever just leave each other be!? Why do we have to give fucking labels to everyone?

NAIINIS NA AKO. And I just feel so helpless about the whole thing. This cycle of violence is affecting so many innocent people. I hate that. I hate it.

Right now, I don't give a fuck kung magpatayan ang mga sundalo at MILF at ABU, o barilin nila ang mga politico... hay! Just not those people who have nothing to do with this.

SHIT!

"Big Yellow Taxi"

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

They took all the trees, and put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
No, no, no
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot

[Vanessa]
Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
I don't care about spots on my apples,
Leave me the birds and the bees
Please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now, they paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?

Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

Listen, late last night, I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi took my girl away
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Well, don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey hey hey
Paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

I don't wanna give it
Why you wanna give it
Why you wanna giving it all away
Hey, hey, hey

ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS...two of my JVP batchmates just got themselves beaus. Kilig. Kilig. Just when we were thinking a good number of us are well on our way to single blessedness-ville... they get involved. I'm just so happy for them. One is with a fellow JVP and another from a guy in the area.

The davao bombings seemed to have rattled me off more than any incident here in Manila. Especially since there were inital rumors of the ecoland bus terminal as one of the other places where the bombing happened. The terminal is quite near our house there... and God knows if someone I know could have been hurt.

Bombing the airport of a city where rumors fly around that the mayor has allowed the MILF and Abus free access as long as they don't mess around with the city... it can somehow raise fear a level higher. There are becoming more and more unknown enemies lurking, not knowing when and where they will strike.

Yesterday's bombing has become more real for me. In Davao, I have lots of JVP friends and volunteers, lots of relatives and my mom. Unlike in Manila where most of the people I know are concentrated in one place, the people I know in Davao are dispersed. When something like that happens, you can't help but worry.

So many innocent lives lost to some crazy cause we are not even sure about. It is terrorrism. Whether it is a fight for upholding one's religion, one's freedom, one's belief or simply making a statement. To put people in fear and in paranoia, is torture. What the fuck is wrong with people! And damn, this is not just meant to make a statement. That bomb meant to kill. Making a statement is putting in some place where a few people will get hurt but showing they are capable of doing such. That bomb meant to kill. Placed in an area during peak time of arrival and departure from the airport. Where a lot of people will be fetching passengers. I have been and stayed in that waiting shed so many times. Porters, street kids, vendors stay there.

There is a bit of guilty relief that there wasn't anyone i know who was there at that moment. Guilty because there are people who died pa rin. Argh.

Sigh. Maybe all the anger is coming from the fact that after the bombing we couldn't contact our mom for three hours till she contacted us. Though I knew she wasn't hurt, there worry is still there.

Hateful. People can be hateful. I do not know how long I can stay Christian about this and not wish them stricken by lightning or something. It's just way beyond understanding.

In truth, I have wished evil thoughts against Bush... argh. (all this on ash wednesday. Lord, I am so sorry.)

i think i am suffering from multiple personality. kanina lang, naiiyak na ako sa lungkot at pagnanasa na makauwi ng mindoro. (next week is still too far for something i have been longing for for quite a while already). ngayon naman, napapangiti ako para sa bagay na hindi ko alam kung ano, pero nararamdaman ko ang ritmo ng buhay at ang magandang dala ng mundo. gets niyo?

i mean, i'm just so tired and drained and tired. i want to cry. i cried at two weeks notice because george wade was breaking a promise!!! but then, something in the air tells me something good will happen at the end of the year. and i am thrilled about the idea pero hindi ko naman alam kung ano iyon o kahit man lang tungkol saan. baliw.